The doctors are not really concerned that it's cancer, but they did the biopsy just to be 100% certain. They are actually more concerned that it's a side effect of her medication...of one of her medications. She has Mixed Connective Tissue Disease included in that for her are Lupus and Schleraderma. She takes a boat load of meds every morning and evening. Sometimes one of the meds causes organs or skin to become leathery, and this is what they are thinking has happened. If it's the med, they will try her on something else. Meanwhile, they took her off her pain med, which isn't good, and upped her dosage of Prednisone, which really sucks! But her breathing is better now, and most days she is feeling better. But she still has days full of pain and general misery.
I hate that I can't do anything for her. But I am relieved that we don't have the cancer scare we thought we might have. Cancer or not, though, her illnesses are hard to deal with emotionally. It's not likely that she'll live to a ripe old age as have her mother (still alive at 90,) and her grandmother (died at 98.) Not that she wants to live to be 100, but she and we'd all be happy to have her around into her 80's which is another 20 years or more.
I want her to be here when Will (3) and Annie (8) and Andrew (2) grow up and have significant events happening in their lives. I want her to see her grandchildren become adults. When my oldest brother and I decided to wait to start our families, we never anticipated our parents' health failing before they reached old age. We were arrogant to think they'd be around forever. My dad is also dealing with serious health issues including diabetes, failing eyesight (part of the diabetes), and he's already lost two toes from the disease. He had to face sudden and early retirement. He can't live on his own anymore either. My brothers and I are all near 40 or already there, and we still act as though we are young adults. When I stop and think about my age, it shocks me, EVERY time.
It's good that I feel so young, but when I will I embrace reality? If I'd had children when I was younger would I feel more grown now? If my mother had not had to move in me while I was still in my mid-twenties, would I feel more grown now? Why do I take for granted that my loved ones will never grow old and pass away? What kind of Peter Pan am I? This is way off from where I started, so I'll go now. Thanks for reading!
This just in (guess I need a makeover):
| You've Changed 36% in 10 Years |
 Ah, the past! You may not remember it well - because you're still living in it. While you've changed some, you may want to update your wardrobe, music collection and circle of friends. |
Should I be embarrassed? At least I'm consistant! (And predictable.)
1 comment:
I love the panda pics **chuckle**
Post a Comment