Frustration Update #2

We have a source who can give us $7000 towards the van, but still need $6000 more. Any ideas how we could come up with that? (My donation button works if you want to contribute!)

Frustration UPDATE...

I cannot explain the level of disappointment and depression I am at right now. Things were finally going OK for us, I thought they were really looking up. I have a car that's about to fall apart, and a van that only starts some of the time, and I REALLY needed to get this new van. But it won't be happening. They won't reconsider, and now I'm out. Not only that, but I applied for this loan on Lending Tree, which I don't recommend to ANYONE! They put 12 inquiry hits on my credit, and now nobody will touch me.

Are there any benefactors out there looking for someone to give to? I just need $13,000 to get this van for my family of poor foster children.

Thanks again for listening.

Girl from LA has asked to be linked to this post.

Frustration!!

For the first time in 10 years, I am trying to get a new vehicle. I've had some credit problems but have fixed them and am on the road to credit stardom, and it was time for a new vehicle. I was (am) driving a '93 Saturn sedan, 5 seater only if the butts are small. I now have a large family with the number of kids always ranging from 5-6. We don't work in my car. My mom has a van, '97 Dodge Grand Caravan that seats 7. But at those times when the number of kids reaches 6, we don't even fit in the van.

I've been looking around and found that I LOVE the Pontiac Montana 8 passenger. And I found one, an '03. I was pre-approved for a loan, so when I found this, I was so excited!! I went to finalize the loan, and everything was A-OK until this morning. I found I had an email saying the loan was denied. WHAT?!?!?!

I called and found out that when they called my work to verify job status, HR told them I was a part-time employee. I'm not, but that's the official status. See, the girl I replaced here had been full-time, then wanted her status changed to part-time, then quit. I came along, and they hired me to work full-time, but can't change the status until it is approved by the state legislature. (I'm a state employee.) So, based on this technicality, I no longer qualify for the loan. I'm hoping I can convince them to talk to my boss to straighten this out! Pray for me, wish me luck, whatever it takes to help me get this loan through. I NEED THIS VAN!!!!

Thanks for listening!

Other People's Problems

My radio station does this segment every Tuesday called "Other People's Problems" where someone sends in an email stating their current problem, and the Treasure Valley tries to give them advice on how to solve it. Sometimes the problems are interesting and people give pretty good advice. Today I have mixed feelings:

A lady was driving her child to the bus stop and saw another child already there who was smoking. Smokey was about 13. The concerned mom decided to go to his mother and let her know what she saw, but when she went to their house, mom was lighting up with Smokey, and obviously didn't have a problem contributing to her son's future health problems. The concerned mom then emailed the radio station so we could all get involved.

Some people called in saying she should call the police. Some said she should call the school. Then one lady said she should mind her own business - giving the lady a ticket and her son suspension wouldn't stop them, obviously the problem runs much deeper. I kind of agree. I don't think it's right for the lady to be supplying her son with cancer, but IF the police even respond to the complaint, all they'll do is give her a ticket and be on their way...they won't be back out to check on her. But while I agree with this, I think something should be done about a problem like this, I just don't know what. Do you?

Did I Write That?

Have you ever looked back at things you wrote in the past...like years ago? Maybe you run across something you don't even remember writing? Sometimes I'll find something I wrote in high school, or when I first started college in the late 80's (ugh!) and think, who wrote this, did I? I think I was a brilliant writer when I was younger. Now when I write I feel like it's ordinary and dull. I took an advanced fiction writing course as I was finishing my degree this decade, and hadn't really written in so long...it was not like riding a bike! I felt rusty. My instructor, a published fiction writer, was good to me though. The first thing he asked in a private conference after reading my first attempt at a new story was, "How long has it been since you wrote anything? I can tell you're a writer." It made me feel good. Like I still might have it. But when I try to write now, all the things every fiction writing instructor has said to me personally or in a class rattles around in my brain, and I feel I try too hard now. I think I was much more brilliant when I didn't know anything about writing, and it was just creative flow!

Anyway, what brought this on is that I'm updating my adoption home study as I get ready to adopt my 3 year old, and was just given a copy of my original home study from 2002. For those who don't know, when you do a home study, one of the things you have to do is write a biography. It's supposed to be around 2-4 pages. Mine was 10. I don't know where I stored it after I sent in a copy, so have not seen it since I wrote it. I do remember the social worker telling me she could see I was definitely a writer, and I didn't know if that was a good comment or irritated because she had to read the whole thing. Apparently, in the final home study, they take bits of what you wrote, or maybe with most people they use the whole thing and mine was just too long, and insert it in their report. So I still don't have the whole thing that I wrote, but I found this quote:

I am a mix of Cherokee, Irish, English, French and Norwegian. I'm simply an American. I'm single and I don't kiss on the first date! This sounds like a personal ad. I was a quiet child, never in trouble, got good grades, and have always been shy. I have strong opinions about human rights, but am not over zealous about political correctness. I have always been a writer of short stories and poems, but also some features and technical writing. I taught myself to read when I was four years old and have been an avid reader ever since.

OK, so it's not going to win a Pulitzer, but it feels fresh, and has a hint of wit. I miss that about my writing. Am I the only one who ever feels this way?

Who Knew?

This morning I wanted to go to the website for the National Foster Parent Association. I'm one of those people who doesn't read directions unless I run into a problem, you know? So when I need to find something online, I usually try typing in likely addresses rather than doing a search. So I typed www.nfpa and then had to decide if it would be an org or a com. I tried org first...seemed logical. And I got the National Fire Protection Association. OK, so I tried com, and this time I got the National Fluid Power Association. Who knew we had a National Fluid Power Association? Makes me wonder if we have regional fluid power associations.

All this made me think about a time when I was working somewhere I don't work now, and we were all sitting around, wasting time, making more money than we were working for, and talking about the Love Boat. Someone asked a question none of us could answer, so I went online. I put in www dot theloveboat dot com and got something that could've gotten me fired if the wrong person saw it on my terminal. Well, that site is no longer there, and now that address gives you a cruise line, so this post isn't as clever as I wanted it to be. What can I say?

5 More Minutes!

OK, my whole life I've been living with Daylight Savings, and it has never affected me much. In fact, I usually scoff at those who complain that they are having trouble getting used to the new time. Come on, it's an hour. When we travel we usually travel to a different time zone, just one hour difference either way, and it isn't a problem. So why should Daylight Savings be a problem? It shouldn't, IT'S AN HOUR DIFFERENCE, NOT 3, 4, 5 HOURS DIFFERENCE.

Then what's my problem? All this week I've had trouble getting out of bed in the morning. This can largely be attributed to the fact that I'm having trouble going to sleep at night. It seems that no matter how tired I am at night, which is increasingly more each night, I can't get to sleep before midnight, and when that alarm goes off at 6:00 in the morning, I want to huck it across the room. I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DAYLIGHT SAVINGS!!!

I can only say, and this is becoming a theme to this blog, that I am getting old. Why am I having to suddenly face the increasing number that is my age all of a sudden. Did I tell you my mom offered to let me use her tube of Preparation H? EWWWWW.....how old can I possibly be anyway????

By the way, I gave up popcorn for Lent, and I think it's getting to me. Did you give anything up?

Booorrrring...

Yesterday I was boring. Who cares about my spending habit? Let's see if I can do better today.

Oh, here's one. A social worker friend of mine, who I used to work with a lot in regards to my teens, now works for the local university, you know the one, Boise State University, winners of the 2007 Fiesta Bowl! Anyway, she asked me to write a perspective to read to one of her social work classes, giving them a foster parent's point of view on what's helpful and what's not when it comes to case managers. It took me a while, but I finally wrote something up, and sent it to her thinking it wasn't the greatest, but hopefully it would do. To be honest, it's been so long since I really wrote anything, I felt a little rusty. But it also felt good to be writing something, anything, again. She emailed me back and was embarrassingly overjoyed. She loved it and asked if she could use it in her foster parent training classes and if she could read it in a staff meeting at the department. Part of me was overwhelmed at her enthusiasm over the whole thing, and part of me was secretly excited that my writing still has it. She kept saying, I'll take you name off it, and I kept thinking, why? Writers like to see their name in print! I've lost my mind.

So here's what I wrote. Is it really all that?

Over the last six years I’ve evolved as a person,
parent, and member of the foster care community. Part of that has been my
experience with becoming a parent, and living with the kids, and part of that
has been my experience with a number of different social workers, and all their
views and values. Working with the department, and with Casey Family
Programs, I’ve learned a whole lot about child welfare, and the ever changing
policies of the government in regards to our kids. I’ve learned even more
about people, and their many differing ideas about how to interact with and
raise children. And most importantly, I’ve learned a lot about myself,
what I believe in, and what’s important to me when it comes to
children.
When I first started doing foster care, I
wasn’t a mother yet, and I just wanted children. When I heard about the
things that had actually happened to the children I was taking care of, I was
appalled that anyone would ever think to send these kids home. Some of the
social workers I worked with frustrated me because they were so adamant that we
should be working to get all these kids home to their families, and I was
thinking some of these parents had no business ever seeing their kids
again. But there were a few social workers who saw something in me, they
seemed to think they could make me see reason, and they believed in
me.
I think in the foster care system, “The
Department” has to not only take care of the kids, but also take care of the
parents. All the parents. I’m not sure I’d have stuck with it if it
hadn’t been for those few social workers. And now I do see the premise
behind the theory that we should be working to return kids to their
families. I understand that is where we start even though it might not be
how it ends. But I wouldn’t understand that if someone hadn’t had patience
with me, let me evolve.
See, kids in foster care
have been through a lot! They have seen, heard, done, and had things done
to them that nobody should have to experience. Their parents have been
through a lot too, including losing their children. Foster parents end up
going through a lot as well, the difference being, we sign up for it.
We’ll either freak out and quit within the first year, or we’ll burn out in five
years, or we’ll be lifers. I believe a lot of that has to do with the
social workers we work with. The best social workers are the ones taking
care of the kids, the biological parents, AND the foster parents. Everyone
of these people has a whole lot of stress going on, and is learning new
behaviors that may or may not be good, and is trying to survive in a difficult
situation.
The social workers who do the best
work are the ones who keep it real, stay honest, don’t sugar coat things, don’t
take sides, and don’t forget that their job is about people, not numbers and
budgets. None of the people involved in a situation want to hear whatever
it is you think we want to hear, we want honesty. Don’t say maybe if the
answer is no. Maybe means yes to a kid, it means yes to a lot of the kids’
parents, and it means false hope to the foster parents who are left to deal with
the fall-out. It’s the social workers who can face adversity, handle
confrontation, and give honest answers who make the biggest difference and earn
respect from all those involved. And it’s these social workers who helped
me evolve, become a dedicated team member in the child welfare system.

WHOOPEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

I am so excited! I've been very careful for the last 5 years, getting everything paid off, taking care of overdue bills and such. I went to a credit counseling service and signed up in December of 2001, and by May of 2006 all my debts were paid off. (I had a lot!) Now, my credit score isn't great, but it's getting better. I have myself on a budget, and I stick to it. I'm careful about my money now, where before I just spent it whether I had it or not. Part of my success here has been in keeping myself out of stores. I don't go shopping a whole lot, and when I do, I make sure I have money to shop with. I've found that if I have specific things I need to buy and have the money to buy them, it satisfies some of my desire to shop.

So now, I've been able to begin some home improvements. I was smart about it, I wanted to replace all the carpet in my home with Pergo. All my kids seem to have either allergy or asthma problems, most likely stemming from their bio-moms smoking during pregnancy. I decided one thing I could is get rid of the carpet and have flooring that's easier to keep clean and allergen free. But I can't afford to replace all the carpet at once. So I saved up enough money and had Pergo put in my boys' room and the hallway. (The boys have asthma and allergies where the girls just have allergies.) Now I'm saving enough money to put it in the living room and kitchen. I had the flooring place measure the whole house so every time we're ready to do a room, I can just call them and tell them which room, they can look up the measurements, give me a price, and order the flooring.

But flooring isn't all I'm excited about. I'm most excited because I've been approved for a loan to buy a van. I'm excited because the car I have is very old, and not practical for such a large family. The van I'm getting seats 8, and is perfect. My little car barely seats 5 and only if they are thin. We generally have 8 people living in our house at any given moment, so I need this van. It's such a huge accomplishment to me to get myself out of that hole, and be able to do the things my family needs me to do! It makes me feel good!!!

When Did I Get Old?

OK, so I'm not ancient or anything, but in any given moment, I still feel the same as I did when I was 22, 23...now I'm watching 40 coming fast, barrelling down on me like a freight train.

Why can't I feel it, I ask myself. Then I look at my medicine cabinet and I see it. Calcium supplements, extra strength multi-vitamins, St. John's Wart, sleep aids, immunity boosters, glucosamine, Protonix, allergy pills, allergy nose spray, allergy eye drops, bulk bottles of ibuprofen, Tylenol, and Aleve. I take more vitamins and supplements than I ever thought possible just to keep the "minor" aches and pains away. Not really minor because they have the ability to keep me from sleeping at night.

I've had a complete hysterectomy, so needless to say, my child bearing years are behind me. I can't stand listening to the music coming out of my child's room, and the radio station I listen to most often plays "classic" hits from the 80's and 90's. When did those two decades become the era of classics? Good grief, I remember the threat of the Soviet Union, and my grown children don't even know what the Soviet Union is. My brother was telling me about a time when his wife's nieces were over and saw his album collection. They asked him to play one for him, and when they took it out of the cover, they asked which side goes up?

I know, everyone goes through this. Just, when the reality hits that it's happening to you, it takes a toll. It's like teenagers thinking they are invincible. I think that feeling lingers until now...I finally don't feel invincible anymore. Maybe I'm lucky, maybe other people hit this sooner than I did. Or maybe each generation hits this realization later and later.

I just remember when my mom was this age, I thought she was so old and wise. Why don't I feel old and wise now?