Oh, here's one. A social worker friend of mine, who I used to work with a lot in regards to my teens, now works for the local university, you know the one, Boise State University, winners of the 2007 Fiesta Bowl! Anyway, she asked me to write a perspective to read to one of her social work classes, giving them a foster parent's point of view on what's helpful and what's not when it comes to case managers. It took me a while, but I finally wrote something up, and sent it to her thinking it wasn't the greatest, but hopefully it would do. To be honest, it's been so long since I really wrote anything, I felt a little rusty. But it also felt good to be writing something, anything, again. She emailed me back and was embarrassingly overjoyed. She loved it and asked if she could use it in her foster parent training classes and if she could read it in a staff meeting at the department. Part of me was overwhelmed at her enthusiasm over the whole thing, and part of me was secretly excited that my writing still has it. She kept saying, I'll take you name off it, and I kept thinking, why? Writers like to see their name in print! I've lost my mind.
So here's what I wrote. Is it really all that?
Over the last six years I’ve evolved as a person,
parent, and member of the foster care community. Part of that has been my
experience with becoming a parent, and living with the kids, and part of that
has been my experience with a number of different social workers, and all their
views and values. Working with the department, and with Casey Family
Programs, I’ve learned a whole lot about child welfare, and the ever changing
policies of the government in regards to our kids. I’ve learned even more
about people, and their many differing ideas about how to interact with and
raise children. And most importantly, I’ve learned a lot about myself,
what I believe in, and what’s important to me when it comes to
children.
When I first started doing foster care, I
wasn’t a mother yet, and I just wanted children. When I heard about the
things that had actually happened to the children I was taking care of, I was
appalled that anyone would ever think to send these kids home. Some of the
social workers I worked with frustrated me because they were so adamant that we
should be working to get all these kids home to their families, and I was
thinking some of these parents had no business ever seeing their kids
again. But there were a few social workers who saw something in me, they
seemed to think they could make me see reason, and they believed in
me.
I think in the foster care system, “The
Department” has to not only take care of the kids, but also take care of the
parents. All the parents. I’m not sure I’d have stuck with it if it
hadn’t been for those few social workers. And now I do see the premise
behind the theory that we should be working to return kids to their
families. I understand that is where we start even though it might not be
how it ends. But I wouldn’t understand that if someone hadn’t had patience
with me, let me evolve.
See, kids in foster care
have been through a lot! They have seen, heard, done, and had things done
to them that nobody should have to experience. Their parents have been
through a lot too, including losing their children. Foster parents end up
going through a lot as well, the difference being, we sign up for it.
We’ll either freak out and quit within the first year, or we’ll burn out in five
years, or we’ll be lifers. I believe a lot of that has to do with the
social workers we work with. The best social workers are the ones taking
care of the kids, the biological parents, AND the foster parents. Everyone
of these people has a whole lot of stress going on, and is learning new
behaviors that may or may not be good, and is trying to survive in a difficult
situation.
The social workers who do the best
work are the ones who keep it real, stay honest, don’t sugar coat things, don’t
take sides, and don’t forget that their job is about people, not numbers and
budgets. None of the people involved in a situation want to hear whatever
it is you think we want to hear, we want honesty. Don’t say maybe if the
answer is no. Maybe means yes to a kid, it means yes to a lot of the kids’
parents, and it means false hope to the foster parents who are left to deal with
the fall-out. It’s the social workers who can face adversity, handle
confrontation, and give honest answers who make the biggest difference and earn
respect from all those involved. And it’s these social workers who helped
me evolve, become a dedicated team member in the child welfare system.
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